everythursday

Day 400

What made my day today?

so the last wed i had chp for the entire day which really sucked and esp with whiny people beside me who didnt even do any work, so yeah whatever, supposed to meet s for dinner but she got lazy and had work to do and i didnt want to stay too long cuz i was meeting b late anyway, so had spontaneous dinner with c k y z, came home and napped a bit while waiting for b, met her really late like almost midnight by the time i reached and of course i was late as usual haha, went attica and arena, free drinks from amusing local boys who just came back from aus, walked around and hung around talking, didnt go back into arena after cuz she had to go home, i sat in the playground at my house for a long while because i was too pumped up with alcohol and was too emo for home and sleep. thurs i got pissed off because friends forgot about friday night outing that i organised less than a week ago, they went loof for s’s birthday and didnt even think of inviting me along. i think staying home too long is killing me and making me damn irritable and emo, im too restless for my own good. and getting addicted to the night life agn. fri night i met s and j for drinks at mulligan’s, came home and slept really late, woke up four hours later for breakfast with s, simply bread at cluny court, damn delicious sticky bun that i am so in love with now hahaha, walked her up to law campus for her rehearsal, went town to paint my nails, wanted to shop but was too damn tired to, sat in starbucks at orchard point to read great house by nicole krauss and of course to people watch too, kept wanting to fall asleep but the chair was too uncomfortable and unconducive for sleeping, met s for dinner at victor’s kitchen at sunshine plaza, liu sha bao and yummy dim sum, kept forgetting that there were only two of us and kept wanting to order more food haha, walked back to the cathay and sat in starbucks to talk for damn long before she had to leave to meet other friends and i came home to crash. met l this morning for brunch at ps cafe at paragon, damn expensive meal because we just kept ordering haha, and sticky date pudding two sundays in a row, slurps. and still wanting more sticky date pudding now haha. went to shop and then she had to leave early to do work before her family dinner. so i came home early and been eating and watching greys anatomy since. 

tmr theres chp in the morning, then maybe going town to chill and read somewhere, either spinellis at orchard central pseudo rooftop or starbucks at orchard point agn. depending on what time chp ends, eugh. im leaving for vietnam in less than a week’s time yay, so why am i secretly not that excited about it at all, SIGH. 

i have pretty blue nails or teal or whatever colour it is called. next week will be orange nails, or maybe starbucks green, or whichever colour tickles my fancy then. just not the usual burgundy or mint green, not yet at least, so tired of them actl, needs some burnt orange or bright yellow in my life now. 

and maybe bangkok in april over good friday weekend with s p and s yay. more things to look forward to this year. i need a beach holiday agn soon, no water activities nothing strenous, just some good old suntanning and reading by the beach and sleeping in and enjoying the sun and sea. 

and iphone elephants charger is spoilt, damn it. lousy shit, what a waste of money. 

and im still pissed off over the thurs/fri incident but im being zen this year and im ignoring all of these, and yes im spring cleaning my life too and clearing out all things and people who make me emo and anxious and bitchy and who give me hell. people like s who is suddenly ignoring me and not replying me, who is cynical and negative and pessimistic and i dont need that in my life because i have enough cynicism for two persons and i need to find a damn aim in my life and it doesnt help with him shooting down every single thing that i find. and people like THEM who can forget me so easily and who dont bother even when im trying my darnest best alr.

sleep time because theres chp early in the morning! goodnight. 

(73)

I left no trace of myself in his home 
save for a ring on his bedside table
from a cup of coffee he made me
in the morning. 

Come and go, I come and go. 

At times I had loved like a phantom. 
I left nothing but the smallest traces: 
a mark on the neck of a man who never
noticed it, a lipstick stain on his pinky finger, 
a thread of hair that had fallen and tangled itself
in his sheets. 

I had never wanted to be remembered as anything
except a girl who loved and left only tokens,

But last night before I went to sleep, I remembered that I
had left an earring on your bedside table, and I fell asleep
smiling, because there are certain people that you want to
remain tangible to, as something more than just
a watercolor kiss
après le déluge

(via clavicola)

Day 399

What made me happy today?

i have no idea when i last posted, whether it was even before osces or what, but anyway ive been done with exams since a week ago haha. just been lazy to go on tumblr and post. need to start doing this religiously agn, after all i started this for a reason right haha.

so osces were okay thankfully, not that im expecting to do exceptionally well, actl i may even fail two stations, one of the emed ones which i actl knew what it was like dx and stuff, but they were asking for alot more other stuff which i didnt, and the eye station of course. so yeah like i told s, will pass or at least i hope i didnt overestimate myself haha, but wont do well which im quite sad about to tell you the truth. had lunch after with r, came home to change and met s to watch ivp, ate curly fries and subway and totally enjoying ourselves there haha.

slept wed and thurs away after osces, had a massive headache and wanted to die, but just couldnt seem to get the energy to leave the house. nope not even for a haircut, brow threading and nail painting. speaking of which i must go paint my nails tmr haha. was supposed to meet s early on friday because she had a surprise half day at work, but it ended up storming like crazy and i was really late meeting her, also because i couldnt decide what to wear and had to dig through my very messy wardrobe haha, and she was alr shopping at h&m by the time i got there. met s and s for dinner at imperial treasure, cabbed to club nana for drinks with h p and b. stayed out til 3am, was comparing venues and drinks with s over whatsapp that retard haha, finally came home and slept at 430am. woke up 3h later at 730am to meet the old cg for c’s surprise breakfast. yes really truly BREAKFAST, at a bright and early time eugh. left at lunchtime, was supposed to go town to shop agn but because i ran out of the house early in the morning without drying my hair properly so it became one huge ass mess and i came home to shower agn. went to tanjong pagar to collect lou hei with my sister, went to my grandma’s house for reunion dinner, chocolate eclairs for desserts yumyum, was really full hahaha. and wanted to die from lack of sleep the whole day, did i mention that alr. came home and crashed at night. was supposed to go zouk with s and a and maybe meet s and his army boys in mink, but plans failed because s went crazy shopping in steve madden and spent a bomb and was too broke for drinks hahahah. met l on sunday morning for marmalade pantry, crabmeat linguine and sticky date pudding and cupcakes, slurps. i really love marmalade pantry! shopped around town after but still couldnt find any cny clothes, only found tons of pretty bags and wallets that are too expensive for me despite mine being rich this cny haha, but that was before i cleared all my heavy debts oh well. left at 5plus pm and by then browhaus and gong cha were closed omg, tragic. came home for family dinner and tv.

yest was the first day of cny, went to my grandma’s house, we were really late, whats new haha, and as usual i took forever to decide what to wear agn. this happens every year haha. but it was a small cosy gathering this year i guess, everyone had to leave before dinner so we only saw them for like two hours max maybe. we left for home really late though haha.

second day which was today was spent waking up late, watching tv, waiting for the kids to come visit, and then going for dinner with the other relatives. and this year i must say was more awkward than every year combined haha. too many awkward silences and as usual school talk which i cant join in because nobody’s doing the same things as me and its hard to explain to them what i do for school usually. i hate making small talk like this haha. so kept to myself although i must say im not snobbish and i can actl make conversation just that i hate initiating them. and the standing joke for the night between the sister and i was my horoscope saying that i will be “the life of the party” for the evening hahaha. just came home and tried watching tv but its showing what, miami vice? eugh.

theres school tmr and i have massive major cny withdrawal sigh. long weekend is gone just like that. and i have chp the entire bloody day tmr, from morning til evening. and i have to wake up at 7am tmr. at least i dont have to appear in the hospital tmr right, or study, or sit for exams, yeah talk about counting my blessings haha.

and been chasing people for my long overdue storybooks eugh, i hate doing it but i have too many storybooks with too many people and if i dont get them back i will just shoot myself. and reading the great house by nicole krauss now. and watching greys anatomy, or more like catching up on old seasons haha.

Day 398

What made me happy today?

omg im dying, i cannot finish anything and im studying so super slowly its like i have no more studying capacity anymore. actl more like i have no idea what to study sigh. finished psych like after another six hours today maybe, and done with ent i guess. but was supposed to do eye and anaes too, oh well. will skim through eye because im going to fail it anyway hahaha. give some take some eh, what s taught me. 

today i had the best friday the 13th ever i swear. first d was on the morning shift, like a really pleasant surprise, thank goodness i didnt go anywhere like school to study yest and today, the past two days have really been good to me. so yes first thing in the morning and he made my day just by being there alr, its been a while since i saw him. gave me my usual favourite caramel overdosed drink which i really missed alot because no one else ever makes that for me anymore, and he insisted it was on him. talked to him a while, you know sometimes i think its a change talking to someone in starbucks who actl speaks fluently without all their usual ah beng speak, not that i mean anything personal by that, just a random thought. then while i was studying halfway he came by and gave me a plate of food, some really nice banana caramel wrap thing. towards the evening this other barista gave me another drink, i think it was cuz i fell asleep halfway through the studying and looked like death the rest of the time cursing away and making faces at my notes. he gave me another plate of food agn, the same wrap actl haha too coincidental? and me laughing at them having a busy night and talking to them. and before i left he gave me another two drinks omg okay now that was overkill, wanted to die by then alr, but still super happy all the same. this pros i really enjoyed studying there because of them. and i hope they will still be around for my mbbs revision haha, though that will be like in another year’s time, but seriously minus the fact that i cant take my studying seriously when they are joking around the entire time, they really entertain me alot and make me so much happier everyday. so yes its been a really good day for me. 

am meeting v to study in school tmr, i hope it will be productive and a quiet day and i’d better finish obg and eye tmr, and if we are optimistic enough maybe even anaes too hahaha. goodnight. 

oh acute care posting eopt rocks my socks, highest grade in the past two years haha, though everyone gets the same range anyway because all the qns are repeated, so no kick. and my heart almost dropped when i saw ent bookprize email in my inbox but chey that was just the invitation for everyone to attend as supporters. plus they didnt even attach the namelist in the non-existent annex. had to recheck my ent score and the class bell curve and was damn disappointed to find that im only one of the sixty plus people in that same range of grades, so nah not possible, oh well. im not exactly the surgical type anyway i think haha. clearly trying to make myself feel better hee. 

Day 397

What made me happy today?

i had a really bad morning actl, was really sad yest studying and thinking too much because i enjoyed myself on tues and didnt want to study agn haha, and went to sleep feeling unsettled, woke up this morning and argued with my parents, okay not argue just not what i would love to start the mornings with and so i cried in the middle of breakfast. you know, not even showered yet and past breakfast and alr crying. and i was so pissed and tired alr i just didnt feel right. looked like death literally for the rest of the day, felt so bad in starbucks because the baristas were really nice to me today and i couldnt even muster a smile that lasted more than ten seconds. in the morning at least haha. but it was a really good day after, well i mean it became better, or maybe the chocolates really do help, with all that endorphins release you know.

those boys there at starbucks are really funny and i really think its actl just that one new guy whos so super noisy and full of shit and who influences all the others to become as bad so it became four times as bad during the afternoon when everyone whos on shift for the whole day were there. as usual they attempted to guess my drink with the usual betting. and saw d who popped by agn after his shift at the concourse outlet this morning, he was talking to this other person at the next table and i was just blatantly eavesdropping and found out hes going to culinary school this coming march, talk about cool shit. and he was talking about how opening a restaurant is his second dream, after fashion which he tried but failed. and i just wondered whats my biggest dream in life hmm, maybe i’ll be one of those who leave a high flying job to pursue something lame and end up being the happiest person ever hahaha, quite likely i must say too, when im having a midlife crisis next la huh, now im just at the quarter life crisis stage haha. and then had a throwing mochis at me from across the counter. and just before i left the other barista whos relatively new and whose name i do not know, gave me a free drink, i really think its cuz i look too sad sitting there everyday from morning to night for the past two weeks.

i couldnt finish psych today, seriously. its only one station out of eight damn it. i ought to be spending more time on emed or obg which has two stations each, not psych. and this is so lame. but theres so much to study for psych and i have no way of predicting what kind of station they will give, could be anything from history taking to explaining conditions to explaining pharmaco or psychotherapy to dealing with angry patients/relatives. i just want to screw this shit and go sleep the rest of the week away. but no this year i might just be able to do better than previous years. and i love this year so i will do well for it damn it.

and i need to learn malay. okay that was random. hearing too much malay speak being shouted around behind the starbucks counter everyday. i think most of the time they are actl bitching about other people. tsk.

(27)

I’ve looked into a placid lake
and I’ve watched as the stars
rippled and drowned
at the edge of my fingertips. 

Here is what December has taught me: 

You can’t touch the sky and expect it to
stay the night. 

(Source: clavicola)